today I lost
now I know he won't come back. oh no, never.
but he is still the one I wanna love until I close my eyes. forever.
the day is passing by. hours elapse.
and once again the darkness kisses my skin tenderly. and it carves his name into my flesh. I can smell the stench of iron in my blood. have to fight back my tears. his presence is so present again.
he doesn't get out of my head. I think for days, for nights and wonder how I could have done it differently.
he simply disappeared. he has erased him from my life without asking me before.
but he doesn't know how much it hurts to stand right here and cry. to let the tears run carefully. groping. softly. hoping. and at the same time praying that no one sees me here.
becausenobody knows. no one knows that I have lost him and couldn't cope with it.
he is always here. here, inside me. on my skin I can smell his scent. he prescutes me and yet he's not longer here.
does he know, I don't tell anyone about it. about him.
it's weird I know, but I'm keeping it for myself.
it's good to have a secret.
I'm afraid, if anyone knows this, he would take him away from me. even though he's gone, I think the one, who knows how much I loved him, would steal all my thoughts and memories of him.
time passes. another summer is almost over. I'm still crying.
a month. a second. and many others. regardless, I can't forget him.if only everything would be easier. if only everything wouldn't hurt so much. I could breathe again. be free. think and feel, without perceiving fear constantly. the fear to break. every second in front of the others. those, who don't know. those, whom I'll never tell.
I'm writing it down. 'cause of the fear to forget. 'cause of the fear that I will eventually have no feelings for him. I don't want him to leave me even a second time. the memories must remain. - I think otherwise I'm no longer myself. I would shatter. simply break. forget to breathe. forget my life. - forget that I can live. without him.
and once again the darkness kisses my skin tenderly. and it carves his name into my flesh. I can smell the stench of iron in my blood. have to fight back my tears. his presence is so present again.
he doesn't get out of my head. I think for days, for nights and wonder how I could have done it differently.
he simply disappeared. he has erased him from my life without asking me before.
but he doesn't know how much it hurts to stand right here and cry. to let the tears run carefully. groping. softly. hoping. and at the same time praying that no one sees me here.
because
he is always here. here, inside me. on my skin I can smell his scent. he prescutes me and yet he's not longer here.
does he know, I don't tell anyone about it. about him.
it's weird I know, but I'm keeping it for myself.
it's good to have a secret.
I'm afraid, if anyone knows this, he would take him away from me. even though he's gone, I think the one, who knows how much I loved him, would steal all my thoughts and memories of him.
time passes. another summer is almost over. I'm still crying.
a month. a second. and many others. regardless, I can't forget him.if only everything would be easier. if only everything wouldn't hurt so much. I could breathe again. be free. think and feel, without perceiving fear constantly. the fear to break. every second in front of the others. those, who don't know. those, whom I'll never tell.
I'm writing it down. 'cause of the fear to forget. 'cause of the fear that I will eventually have no feelings for him. I don't want him to leave me even a second time. the memories must remain. - I think otherwise I'm no longer myself. I would shatter. simply break. forget to breathe. forget my life. - forget that I can live. without him.
Love,
Cagla.
Keine Kommentare:
Kommentar veröffentlichen