3# day.

3# day.

Dear Diary,
today I just wanna leave everything behind and run away.
I don't know where. Just away. Away from her.

I've spent many years with the same thing. with trying to trust her. again and again.

unavailing. I've just wasted my time.

I've wasted my time with hoping that one day it'll get better. that one day she'll love me like i loved her.

I remember the time, when I've felt the feeling of being important for her.

I remember the time, in which she has enchanted me a smile in my little face all the time.

and the pain of my bleeding knees was blown away.

in those days that was the only thing that hurt. it was the only thing which caused the tears in my eyes.

and now. look at me now. where's the little girl with the zest for life?

and she. where's this woman on my side, ready for wiping away the tears from my little brown eyes?

yes, mum. where are you?

why you're not on my side anymore?

why I can't run to you when I've hurt me.

why you can't enchante a smile on my face anymore?

mum, tell me. please explain. where are you now?

you're so close to me. I see you all days. but you're not longer here for me.

I miss you. I miss the old you. the one, who loved me. I want her back. I need her. I need her so fucking much.

it hurts to know that she'll never come back. but I still love her. I always did.

and you, mum. the new you has stolen her. so, please. give her back.

'cause.. I can't keep holding on anymore. you know? it hurts. too much.

mum? why you're taking my happiness away? why you had to destroy my life? all over again?

I remember your words. 'I wish you'd been dead.'

when I should be honest. mum? I wish you'd been dead too.

Love,
Cagla.